In Between the Pages

Cleansed.

2009-09-07T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have anger issues. I need to fix that...

I'm sitting here listening to "Twilight Serenade" by Jason Myles and for no reason, I start tearing up. I just took a shower and realized to myself that the way I handle issues I'm not happy about is exactly the way I don't want to handle issues and jabber to people about when someone else handles it the way I do....I don't want that anymore.

I wasn't always this way, I used to handle things with actual maturity and let it go, roll right off my shoulders not let something fester inside of me until I explode...ok well not minuet things like they have been. I guess...I guess I'm just not happy with who I am, in the time I've had to "grow-up" and "mature." It's one thing to handle a situation with grace and let things be, it's another to build it up inside of you and make you an angry person, someone who just subconsciously believes the world is against you. It takes a slap in the face from someone you not only respect but really care about to make you look in the mirror and face reality, but then what? I guess people...people being me...have to choice to either dwell still in the pit of shame, or cry a little, write a little, and change.

David says I'm afraid of change...I think he's right. But it's something that doesn't happen with ease right? It takes time, patience, and a hell of a lot of hard work...and I'm up for that. I need to just realize things that make me happy, stop trying to pull myself in different directions, and just go for it.

Writing is therapeutic, and I know I'll do it..whether it be here or on a scrap piece of paper.

Now I'm listening to "Come Back Around" by Matt Brouwer. I remember a time when I used to have music around me whenever I could...I think I'll bring that back around. I need to stop hiding from what I love and just go for it, regardless of how many broken friendships, unanswered questions, and broken dreams lie behind it...above it all there was laughter, smiles, and amazing friendships regardless of how they ended up.

Everything happens for a reason.

2009-07-29T08:47:00.000-07:00

I think...I enjoy writing...but only write when I'm upset? So I'm attempting to write when I'm not upset...? make sense? it's not like anyone reads this anyways so I don't know why I type...eh, I guess it's a release of some sort, it's better then keeping it all in and blowing up at someone you know?

So Comic-Con was this past week, it was amazing like always, and undoubtly getting more crowded which sucks but is also a good thing for the industry I'm assuming. I'm wondering how its going to look when Twilight is gone...if there will still be just as many people there you know? Well anyway this is the first time in the 6 years I've been going where I got what I needed, went to *most* of the panels I wanted to attend, and didn't get that grumpy...ha.

I should be getting ready for work right now, this job...is a job. I want to do some make-up work on people but I lack time to do it...hm..maybe this weekend, I want to do some body art, but I need ideas, and I think I just got one.

2009-01-27T23:55:00.000-08:00

I'm guessing this happens to everyone, but then again..maybe not?

You know when you just have so much on your mind, or something has impacted you so much that you can't sleep...even if you try to?

The past 3-4 night I haven't been able to sleep. I guess it has something to do with the fact that around that time I found out that someone that I had known passed away. He helped me so much during one event in my life, one important event that if I didn't have him there, I would have been completely humiliated and fell flat on my face...he one of those rare genuine people your probably meet only once in your lifetime, and a few days ago he lost his battle with cancer.

I don't feel right mourning, I never do...same thing happened with Raymund when he passed away, I didn't feel right mourning...maybe its because I didn't know them as well as everyone else has, but I mean still...someone that has impacted your life or you've had in your life through family and friends, its still...hard. I think that's the big thing about me, I don't want people to wonder or worry if I'm taking things hard...I can just deal with it, and it's not a bad thing...there are other people there who need them more then I do...but thats where it comes to get me...when I do eventually need someone there, it's hard for them and usually no one comes along, or usually thats the case.

I don't know...I haven't been able to sleep, I'm past the crying stage, past the "Why?' stage, and just now am here, not being able to sleep...and just thinking. I guess it just scares me that a lot of people close in my life have had someone pass away or get very sick these past 6 months or so...

But anyway I'm just rambling. I just needed to write :) thanks.

A letter...plain and simple.

2008-12-04T09:48:00.000-08:00

Remember me? A long time ago, you and I, we used to be close friends...present day...you probably have no idea who I am. I've become this long forgotten figment of your mind, Is it because I never really wanted you to see what I looked like back then? Or merely the lack of convince of the time, no digital cameras, no scanner, no picture. I guess I didn't try hard enough, and honestly I think it's because I never thought I would have to fight to find the truth, fight to find out if that friendship was real, fight to see if I'm real in your world. I guess I always believed that you and I were just that...you and I, that we fit together and would be friends no matter how long we didn't talk to one another, I loved you...not in that sense but in the sense that you were family, you were like an older brother to me...and I guess I always believed that it would always be that way no matter what, but...I was wrong.

I never thought that I would be fighting this fight...the fight to find out the truth. Not to say its not a fight worth fighting...if that makes any sense. A couple weeks ago I saw you, I told you who I was and all I got was a blank stare...I was heartbroken. You had asked me again what my name was, and maybe I just hoped for some kind of recognition that little voice inside your head yelling at you telling you who I was...nothing. I left the room completely numb and utterly confused. This fragile heart that I prayed to God to keep a comforting hand on...shattered into a million pieces and I didn't know how to take it. I wanted to cry, but I didn't...I wanted to get mad, but I couldn't...I wanted to yell out and ask for the truth, but words wouldn't escape me. I was baffled beyond belief, and then I heard your voice again, and my heart shattered again...realizing the reality of the situation, you had no idea who I was.

It didn't help that night a song I kept close to me was played and I wanted to breakdown right then and there...but I didn't. For some reason or another at that point I was looking at you and your brothers, friends, and everyone else...and something clicked in my mind...something about that situation made me realize that I needed to enjoy what I have when I have it and not to hold on to the past or look towards the future. To enjoy the present, and not dwell in something I couldn't control...and not try to control what I wanted the situation to turn out to be. God and Life that day taught me the biggest lesson I've learned in life...to not try to look into the future but live in the present, let things fall as they may, but don't try to see what will happen in advance, because by doing that, your risking your future and risking the opportunities. I took your friendship for granted when I had it, I learned my lesson and if ever given the opportunity again to share that friendship we had...I would hold onto it and cherish it like I do my close friendships today.

I saw you the next day, you actually bumped into me a few times while you were talking to some people, I didn't say a word, you seem to be walking the same pace I was, but I still didn't say a word. You were always busy, and I didn't feel like it was right, so I stayed behind walking, talking and having fun with my love, every once in a while you'd somehow end up either beside me or around me no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, but I honestly think you didn't notice...the only reason I noticed was because I was being pushed, literally, to notice.

I didn't stay afterwords, I didn't feel like it was right for me to stay at that point and time, maybe because I felt something needed to be done, like time needed to play its course, events need to happen, and maybe...if it's meant to happen, we'll be given that opportunity to meet again. Maybe this time you'll know who I am, and if you don't it's still okay, I'd still fight to find that friendship again, and if it didn't work, then it doesn't work.

I always remember thinking to myself the one thing I wanted the most was to have you there when I would be getting married, having you and other close friends and family beside me, so that I could have all the people I care about the most in the world in one room, even for just that one day. I know now it probably won't be a possibility...we went down two different roads, and even though they may parallel each other, who knows if they will cross and meet again...and even then, would you remember who I was?

Your friendship is something I haven't found in anyone else. I hope you always remember that. It will always be the one thing I wish I could tell you.

Always,
Jamie

2008-11-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

It's' funny when one of the best days of your life can also be one of the worst...I'll explain later, I just wanted to point that out...oh life sometimes you're so cruel in your teachings, but oh well c'est la vie

A Realization...

2008-11-06T21:09:00.000-08:00

...so I'm sitting here going through facebook just messing around and I'm just looking at these absolutly beautiful pictures of my friends, whether it's just going on vacations or having actually having a photo shoot...

and I realize something.

All the time I spend stressing out about school, work, politics, whatever wants to stress me out that day...I tend to forget the more precious and beautiful things in life. I see smiles I haven't seen in a while because I've been so busy, I see things that just look absolutly gorgeous but so damn simple...and then it made me remember truly why I want to be a make-up artist and why I want to study photography...why I love the theatre, and why I love the arts...why my first love is music, and why it will never let me go.

...I want to capture all the beauty, the happiness I see...and just keep them as reminders for everyone, so when they are frustrated about how politics are, when they are frustrated at their grades or stressed out about a show...they look at those pictures, they listen to that little tune and smile just a little bit, just remembering the things that really matter in life.
I just thought it was something I should share...It sounds a little crazy, but I don't know, It just hit me in between the eyes not even 5 minutes ago.

I just thought I'd let you guys know that I care and love you all, I don't say it enough and I'm never around to show it, but I'm always here, and I will always care :) so smile.

Cut the hair

2008-10-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

it is interesting, I cut it really short....hm.

So nothing new going on, after the fire post the next day I went outside and it was blue skies, I also happen to lose my keys and so that was an adventure in its own trying to find them. I later found them underneath the couch :) hehe

Anyway, so I made an appointment with the transfer counslor again, hopefully I can find out if I can apply to get into a University as a "probationary acceptance" considering I couldn't add the class I needed to this semester to get in. I'm nervous about my Bio test, In the lab class I have a C+, B-....I was 1 Point away from a B, can you believe that? but It was my fault for not studying ya know? Anyway the Bio class lecture...I'm not sure how I'm doing, I know I have a C but I just don't know if I comprehend enough to actually pass the class...hopefully I do and hopefully I won't have to take it again next semester...this is tough. When next semester comes along I have 16 units to complete...all of them academics, at least one will have to do with my major...the Drama Literature class...the others, not so much its Communications, Math 101, French I, and something else...Poly Sci? I'm not sure...

Whew...So I know I'm boring when I write this but ha it's alright, I think I do this mainly for my own sanity and journal keepings haha.

When we went down to Davids aunts house she made an interesting comment about how I should draw on a larger canvas...I've been drawing on a small pad because of convinence, I'm going to try and start drawing on a larger scale...we'll see.

Anyway pictures below of what I've drawn lately, I'm starting on a weeping willow and a sunset theme...also the Sgt. Pepper Lonley Hearts theme...so we'll see what happens!

Oh Southern California Fires...

2008-10-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

how I love them so...no not really.

So theres a fire that's pretty much right in my front yard...they haven't evacuated us yet, and I don't think they are because of the fire breaks that are set up here...

but its still a little freaky. The fires started up at around 3, I came home from school and took a nap with my love and I woke up to fire engines and the smell of burning wood. I decided to go outside and sure enough...a big piller of black smoke. I called my boyfriend outside and we took our bikes to the next block where we could see the line of the fires in the distance, since then we've seen the fire on and off a few miles in the distance, we've seen a ton of firefighters and the street we are on is closed to incoming traffic because its the entrance to the base where the fire is at. I'm kinda scared, but I mean we here in So. Cal dealt with this last year...it just wasnt this close to home, close...but not this close. Last year my boyfriend and I packed up because we thought we were going to be evacuated, now we're waiting a bit longer...its just crazy because we can see the firefighters, sometimes the fire, the planes (earlier today when they could fly around and drop water), and hear the planes and see the surrounding neighborhoods on the news...

My mom just called to tell me that there was a flair up and that she heard the fire broke through the fire break...so I'm checking the news.

My car is already covered in a few layers of ash, I'm kinda worried about tonight and then tomorrow when I go to work...

Pray for all of us around here, thankfully there have not been any reported casualties or homes destroyed, hopefully it stays that way.

Buh! I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep well tonight.

Prop 8...

2008-10-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

The ignorance of people baffles me and it makes me sick to my core knowing that people honestly think this is any way shape or form harming them!

I was on my facebook looking at what other people were posting and I ran into this post an old friend put up. It was saying how if Prop 8 passes it would be good for California because, well from what I got out of the article I read that she posted, same-sex marriages/couples cannot sue other organizations for not fulfilling the constitutional right for equal treatment. The article just reminds me of people being afraid of losing their money. I'm sorry if thats not the case...but really? It's like saying that people who are straight don't sue people who don't follow their constiutional rights. that is complete bull.

IF Proposition 8 passes in the state of California it will give the state legal right to deny same-sex marriages.

...

to sound ignorant in my own...ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME?! Who in their RIGHT mind will find this anyway fair, or "equal." Isn't America supposed to have equal rights?!

Every argument I have heard has had religious backing on it, but in America isn't it supposed to be the separation between church and state? Are we not to discriminate?

The propoganda thats been put out there has stated that you are "saving" marriages. Over 50% of US marriages end in divorce, and when you have shows like "The Bachlor" "The Bachlorette", "Who wants to marry a millionair?"...what value is marriage in American society? IF you are honeslty letting people get married like that, why won't you just give the rights to people who HONESTLY love eachother?!? Who cares what sex they are, love is love.

The propoganda also makes it seem like if you vote no on prop 8 your pretty much saying that you don't want a marriage between a man and a women. That you lose that right to get married...that is complete and pure ignorance. YOU are not losing anything, YOU are not being harmed by this, the only thing YOU are doing is TAKING THE RIGHTS of marriage from others.

I'm sorry but honestly, there is

ABSOLUTLY NO reason to say that people who VOTE NO ON PROP 8 are making "God cry" (yes I'm serious, and yes it's been said).

People who VOTE NO ON PROP 8 are NOT taking the rights away from heterosexuals to get married.

People who VOTE NO ON PROP 8 are NOT saying they don't believe in marriage.

If anything people who VOTE NO ON PROP 8 are ones stating that they do believe in marriage, they do believe in love, and that no one in their life should be denied that.

If all you can give me is a religious argument...then honestly it's not worth your time stating it to me and worth my time arguing with you my only statement is, let God be the judge in the decisions of an individual, not YOU.

I'm tired of hearing and seeing propoganda put out there that states "Save marriages", "Man + Women Only"...etc. No one is taking anything away from you except your blinding pride...

I'm tired I have a headache and I hate talking politics, so do what you will when you read this, get irritated, get mad, get passionate, at least your listening and at least your opening your mind.

-J

Wow...forever.

2008-10-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

...sorry for not writing, its been a long time...then again who really reads this blog right? I want to try and make this a regular thing, because maybe someday I can just look back at it and think to myself "...huh really?"

One real reason I think I keep this blog is because I just know that its a peek into my mind that no one really gets to see, or really cares to look at...I mean its not like its a bad thing! I just like to speak my mind and write. To me writing, drawing, music...all of it just drives me and rekindles my spirit. Another reason, I guess is because I'm one of those people who is a "dreamer" I guess, I rather have my memories written on a public blog so that I can remember, and maybe someone can relate to...in some way or manner. Either that or I'm just crazy yeah?

Anyway moving on...

I was talking to an old friend of mine that I just got back in touch with, and a story that I wrote a long time ago came back into my memory.

It was about a group of 5 friends (why 5 I don't know...but 2 guys the others girls) who were the closest friends that anyone could be, everyone that knew about their friendship went seeking for a relationship like theirs, there was no drama, I mean sure there was bickering, but you get the point. Anyway, the story goes on about how one of the girls had this box of rings...5 rings, and how it was kept in this nice wooden box that was trimmed on the inside with velvet, she kept the rings in a safe place and soon forgot about them all together. Everything was going fine with the group of friends, until one day something happened, I can't remember what but something happened causing a major shift in each and everyone of their relationships, slowly but surely the friends were starting to disappear from her life, she first was forced to say goodbye to the boys, then lost touch with the girls, her heart was broken from all the pain, and she didn't understand why it was happening...a couple months or so later the girl is in her room cleaning it up when she finds the beautiful wooden box all dusty and old, she remembers what is in there and her hopes become high, she opens the box to see 5 rusted rings slowly breaking away from each other, and her heart breaks some more and all it ends with is with her holding the box, with the now broken rings, close to her heart, wondering why she never cherished them like she should have and wondering if there would ever be another chance to show each and everyone of them how much she loved them, how it was something more then friendship they shared, they were like a small family, but neither of them realized it until it was all taken away.

I don't know why I thought of it, Andrea and I have been talking about the most random things, its good to catch up on eachothers lives especially since everything that went on like 8 years ago (really that long?!). Andrea is a friend I've had for just about 8 years, she's someone that I cherish and hold close to my heart, and its just nice to know that after so many years, so many different events, we can still e-mail or call one another and talk forever and a day.

My mind is all over the place right now. I'm sorry about that.

I'm drawing again :) I need to post picture soon, I need to also go to sleep...

Goodnight to anyone who reads this. all 0 of you :p

Why does it still hurt...

2008-08-09T01:30:00.001-07:00

WHY?

Google...

2008-08-03T22:55:00.000-07:00

you ever get bored and just Google crap? yeah I did that and I Googled my name...and like 2 pages came up but half of them were "Facebook" friends the others were interesting. One was a scholorship I recieved, another was an article when I worked "Big River" and then the last one was a nomination for a theatre festivle we went to a couple years ago...

Then I just get dumb and start going to Wikipedia and typing stuff in or IMDB...

I'm so damn tired. and sad. but whatever. I just thought that was intersting. I'm going to sleep...tomorrow is Disneyland!

Breaking Dawn

2008-08-02T22:51:00.000-07:00

Sooooo I just read the book (ok so I picked it up at 8 AM and finished it at 9 PM....dammit it was my day off!)

I'm not going to give away any spoilers...I just wanted the compliment Stephanie Meyers on giving a great ending to a great series. Everything seemed right and I'm happy and very satisfied at how it ended.

The end.

Edmonton Days 3-8

2008-07-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

Day 8: Back from the Road Trip (stopping @ Banff)

This day started out at about 9 A.M and again began with the adults getting frustrated at the map and my mom, one again, going out and asking for directions to get to Banff...fun times.

went on a 15 hour drive, it was hell, but whatever. We ended up stopping in Banff which of course is beautiful and went to look at some of the lakes. Like usual we didn't get to stop and actually enjoy the town we just went and left, annoyed...? yes. But whatever thats what we do when its just tourist crap that people want to do...

anyway we just walked around Lake Louie and my brother, mother and aunt went on the gondola things in Banff, I'm scared so I didn't go...which I wish I didn't do but hey theres always next time yah?

The actual road trip itself was frustrating, but AJ and I kinda just made light of the situation, well him more so then I. We played with the camera during the night and made pictures with the moon...other then that we were just cramped in a van full of 6 people and just wanted to get back to Edmonton. We got back to Edmonton around 12:30 AM.

Day 7: Victoria, Vancouver, and directions
So this day consisted of us waking up at 8 in the morning we headed to the ferries, but first we needed directions, so my mom stuck her head out the window and asked people for directions. When we finally get to the ferries we have 10 minutes to just go to the washroom and look at things, I ended up buying 2 zipper bags for $20 and then realized that I could probably make these myself...nice huh? But they are pretty cool looking bags.

We got on the ferrie and it took us about an hour and a half to get to Victoria. The ferrie ride was refreshing I stayed outside the whole time minus the 20 minutes I went looking for my family and just gave up and figured we would meet at the car (which we did). I love the ferrie ride over, its just relaxing and just calmed me down which was needed considering what was going to happen when we got to Victoria.

So we arrived at Victoria first thing we do is get lost going to the gardens. My mom again pulls over and asks a person for directions not realizing that there is a sign right in front of her saying to go that way...and so this begins the trend of the road trip, my mother asking for directions and not following them. So we go down a couple streets and then my mom wants to ask another person directions because she doesn't know where to go (mind you again there is a sign in front of her) she tries to get the attention of a contstuction worker but AJ and I tell her there is a sign in front of her...so she follows it, we finally get to the gardens and because I've been there before only my aunt, uncle, brother and mom go in while I and my other aunt sleep in the car.

An hour later they come back theres some really pretty pictures but I needed to just relax. I ended up txting and or calling a couple people because I just needed to calm down, course no one answerd the phone so meh whatever. I just fell asleep.

So were on our way to...good question...where? SOOOooooOO apparently no one planned out our trip to Victoria. So I just tell them to go to the Empress which is by the coast, obviously no one listens to me so they get lost. Then finally my uncle askes where to go to the Parliment building...which is by the Empress. So after a 3 or 4 times we get lost and ask for directions we finally get to Parliment and finally find the tourist things. Everyones hungry so they ask me where to go, I don't know It's been 7-8 years since I last went to Victoria. I just say lets go to the resturaunt by the water, its fancy not too expensive and really good.

After we eat we leave to go back to the ferries, of course we got lost and of course my mom asked for directions once again. A women in a wheelchair actually ignored her, but a couple of people on bikes helped us out. So we get back on the ferries, I was tires so I tried to sleep, but it didn't work out so much I apparently stepped on a Japanese girls leg but I didn't know it...

So we get back onto the mainland and head for Vancouver, mom was smart this time she found a map and mapped out our destination...(why we didn't have a map before dazzles me). So we get to Stanley park and take pictures of everything, I loved the totom polls. :) Vancouver was busy, AJ and I wanted to wander and shop but we couldn't apparenly tax in Vancouver is 12%...crazy right?

So we're heading back to Surrey of course we get lost, and I get frustrated becasue 1 we get directions and 2 no one follows them so I tell my mom to pull into a Safeway and I buy a map of Vancouver and the Outskirt of Vancouver, well when we get back they have directions! oi...but they used the map again anyway, so thank goodness for that. We get into Surrey and eat Churches Chicken and go to sleep.

Day 6: Road Trip Begins- Go Thru Jasper
So AJ and I had the option...to stay in Edmonton or to go on the road trip...my choice was to stay in Edmonton but of course, I feel bad later and give in to the road trip. So it begins with a 13-14 hour drive to Vancouver.

We leave Edmonton around 9-10 AM and head off to Jasper, I sleep most of the way, but realize my Zune didn't charge all the way the night before...so suck. We stop at a rest station and this guy and his wife have this huge cat...seriously this cat look like a new born cheetah or something...it was nuts. So we leave and then get to Jasper, the view is amazing but then soon we just start driving through and seeing trees and falling asleep. We get to Kamloops and head to Vancouver. Because of the power outage in downtown we end up finding a place in Surrey and going to sleep.

If I knew this was going to be exactly like the trip I had before, I probably would have not come but figured it would be a good experience with my mom.

Day 5: Rest time

REST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's all I did, I rested. Actually I went walking with Jayson to get his bird some food before he went to Japan. ALL the kids went to Banff with family and we had some dimsum :) It was a nice restful day. We said bye to everyone leaving the next day or Tues, because we weren't sure if we were going to be in town or off on the road trip.

I like sleeping.

We watched the funniest filipino movie, and we were in the middle of watching another one but had to leave to get sleep back at my uncles house.

Day 4: The Wedding

My Uncle Paul and Auntie Kamila's wedding was beautiful, the usual things happened we went to the ceremony then went to the reception. I was tired so I sat most of the time, plus I didn't have David with me so I didn't really feel like dancing ya know? The cake was awesomely good...it was that traditional filipino cake with the butter frosting stuff...it was yummy.

I spent most of my time just watching, talking to the kids, hanging out..though in the beginning of the reception I wanted to punch someone in the face. This women had the guts to tell my lola that she couldnt sit at the table that was was effing empty because it was "HER FAMILY" table, my ass...she isn't even effing family! I got that place for my lola and aunts and uncle, and she had the effing guts to do that s**t, I was pissed off. Karma got back at that women she ended up saying grace and making a fool of herself she didn't get the bride or grooms name right and made it sound like she was saying grace for a funeral dinner rather then a wedding dinner.

Pissed me off...seriously man. oh Celina and I forgot to put the "Just Married" stickers on during the actual ceremony so while pictures were being taken :) we hastly stuck them on :)

Day 3: The day I really don't remember...

ok so all I really remember about this day is my Auntie Dolly coming in and AJ getting a haircut and us hanging out with the kids downstairs in the basement...ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I really think that was it. really? I'm not sure.

Pretty sure someones trying to do me in...

2008-07-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

I'm eating all the things that make me sick...like eggs, or white sauce pasta...and its not like I have a choice...its all thats being cooked. So this morning I woke up and there was fried rice covered in eggs or nothing at all, and considering I'm filipina and if you don't eat its offensive I had no choice.

Lunch...was either the fried rice covered in eggs or pasta with white alfredo sauce...both which have made me throw up or upset my stomach so much I want to throw up...

...so yeah, I'm not feeling so hot right now. kinda sick.

Edmonton Day 2

2008-07-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

Remember how I was saying this is probably going to be one of those trips where we do a ton of family stuff and I really won't be able to roam around and "enjoy" Edmonton...that feeling gets stronger and stronger each day...

So first off let me say that my uncle wants to drive to Vancouver, Jasper, Banff, and Calgary, Calgary itself is a 3 hour drive from here and Vancouver, ts about 12. Do I really want to be stuck in a car for 12 hours? especially since one of our layovers is in Vancouver when I come back to Cali? eh. Last time I took a trip through B.C from Edmonton I was with my cousin and her family...and that was hell.

Yesterday I woke up ate and then went on the computer for the heck of it, then we got whisked away to my Nanay's place where again she proceeded to tell me that I was fat and proceeded to tell my mother that I was getting fat (yay...). After the small bashing I went downstairs and hung out with my cousin Jayson, we talked about him wanting to come to California and all that jazz. Then we went to West Ed, and explored maybe 1/5 of that gigantic mall. I felt like a tourist because I've been taking pictures to send to David so that he can see what I've always loved about coming to Edmonton and how huge that damn mall is, oh I finally saw a seal there.

After exploring the mall with my mom's family we went back to my dad's family where my Aunt had just come in from the airport. My Nanay proceeded to tell my aunt how I had gotten big...yes I think that tallys it up to like 6 times in 2 days. So I fell asleep at her place because I've been having a hard time sleeping, I don't know if its the whole can't sleep thing or the whole it doesn't get dark in Edmonton until about 11 p.m thing...

Woke up to my Nanay watching T.V on this really small probably 20 inch screen T.V it was cute. My Nay said something to me that was actually a compliment but I cannot remember what it was, but my parents and aunt went to the Super Store and came home with (ta da!) Ketcuhp Chips...yummy :) We went to my Uncle Jeff's place shortly after and I met the to-be wife and we explored the newly developed house in Mill Woods. It was really nice and cute. We ate and drank and then went home :)

It's been a busy but nice trip so far. Hopefully we'll actually get to see some other people then family, but if not there always next time...? yeah?

and so it begins...

2008-07-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

sooo I got called fat by my dad's mother (aka my grandmother) she gave me a confused look and said I was getting fat...nice huh? that concludes my first day here.

Edmonton Day 1

2008-07-09T14:56:00.000-07:00

2:30 - in the morning we get picked up by the shuttle, the guy was from the East coast and wouldn't stop talking but we ended up having to pick a group of 4 people who were going to Venice. They were old...and were talking about how they didn't put their milk in the freezer so it will probably be bad when the get home, but oh wait, someone put one in the freezer in case someone forgot...who knew that frozen milk can still be good...? I seriously fell asleep 2 minutes after I heard that conversation and didn't wake up until we were at the San Diego airport.

4:00 - were in the airport and now have to wait until 4:45 for the check-in to occur...we hear the alarm go off as a tester and it was loud as hell.

6:45 - in the air scared as hell, going to Denver, I hate flying and I was sitting in between two fat guys...one of them ended up smelling sick, you know that sour dry gross smell you get when your sick..yeah that one. I slept most of the way but I think I hurt my neck, I took the table and just lay on that.

10-11:15 - get to Denver have to go pee really bad and changed my clothes because it was hot as eff in the plane. Called David to tell him we got to our connecting flight and missed him a lot...I didn't realize how much I would miss him. Went to go get a drink for my mom and when I get back they were boarding...small jet, but for some reason I liked it a bit better then the big ones.

2 ish: Got into Edmonton, I love watching the landing when we get here, its really nice. Went through customs and almost dropped my laptop. Forgot how much I missed it here and still really wished that I had David here with me. Drove with my dad to my Lola's, seems like everyone is hiring around here even saw a sign for McDonalds that said would hire and pay $11/hour (right?!) but apparently things are really expensive here. I got to Lola's and called David, hangning out with family now and playing with this blog...

...not really much going on...yet.

Tomorrow we pick up my auntie dorothy then Friday we pick up my uncle jesse and auntie dolly...so there will be most of my dads family and Sat is the wedding!

then free time....

I'll post pics soon.

It's almost 1:30

2008-07-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

...and I'm still up, well I have every right to be up considering I have to take a flight at 6:00 in the morning but the shuttle decides to pick us up at 2:30 a.m. fun-tastic!

Leaving for Canada till the 20th...thats odd. I really haven't been back since I moved back to Cali....wow.

So today was fun, I argued with a guy on the phone about a game because apparently its my fault that a game isn't out, even though I have no control over that fact. Took David to work, ran some errand that irritated the hell out of me and met up with Ky till about 7 then ran some more errands...and now here I am...1:30 in the morning, wishing I was in bed, though I did play some viva pinata and halo...I actually did alright.

I'm excited...and scared...not excited...weird...I don't know. I hate flying, so just pray that I am alright, I think I've actually gotten worse about flying as the years go on...eh anyway I'll keep this updated while I'm away...if I can get access to a computer.

Leaving on a jet plane...

2008-07-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

I can sign up for my classes in the fall now...and my schedule is just as interesting as I thought it would be...I need a 1 unit class to be full-time...and so my options are CIS classes...or Tap 1. We shall see how this spans out because I still want to be able to work and not work the closing shift, if I do tap that means I'm smack dab into the closing shift, if I do the CIS classes they're mainly online...or maybe I should do a web design class? I don't know. So right now my schedule is pretty much set...no theatre classes though, I just need to get my AA and then go to my degree! I'll work shows, but I think thats all I can manage right now.

So here it is...

MW: Bio 101 and Human Sexuality
Th: Bio 101 Lab
Online: Adobe Photoshop
Self Paced: Health Lab

funn times.

So I'm leaving in a few days to go to Canada with my family, well half of my family, my sister and her family along with one of my brothers can't go, which will be a bit akward for me because I'm used to having my sister around when we go to Canada because we usually see her friends. On the other hand when it comes to friends I had when I was a kid in Canada...it's a bit akward because I left when I was 6 and haven't seen them except on random occassions like my Nanays birthday...let me tell you that was akward for the first hour or three...I think (?) it will be okay now...ok I hope it will be okay now. I'm a bit nervouse for the fact that I really haven't gone on vacation there without my sister, am I going to be the one who just sits in the room?! rather sleep then sit..

I know I lived there for a bit, in Calgary, but I only went to Edmonton for maybe a weekend and that's the weekend I had to say good-bye to some of my closest friends. At that point, I also made the descison to move back because the whole roommate thing wasn't working out and I felt like I reach that point in my life to either choose to stay and see how it work out or to come home and finish school, because it wasn't like the University was getting back to me, and it wasn't like I had the money or the mind-set to get started on that road.

Instead I end up today where I should have been 3 years ago...almost done with my A.A degree going for my B.A and actually having direction in life, if that's what you want to call it, It's still a little fuzzy but I know it will all work out, it always does, its all meant to happen one way or another.

I need to sleep a bit more.

Clearing my head...Forever in peoples hearts.

2008-07-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

I worry about my brother, his friends, and my friends...that they'll feel like they could have done something different...that "what if's" will run through their heads haunting them...I...don't know.

I need to clear my mind, I've been thinking this over for the past three days and it just keeps picking at my brain and I'm trying to figure some reason it stays there because I wasn't a friend I was more of an acquaintance, I felt guilty because there are so many people who knew him better then I did, who were close to him, I was just an observer from the side, and yet it still is shocking and it still hurts and I feel like I don't deserve to morn, I don't deserve to think about it or him ...but then I figured it out...he was someone you'll never meet again in this lifetime, someone that...even though I only interacted with him for a small part of high school I'll always remember as someone being very passionate about life, music, and seemed to live with no regrets or fear...someone that was taken from this world too early for anyone to comprehend why it had to be like this. He is someone that you would never forget.

Raymund, even though we barely interacted with each other, you are and amazing person, I know that everyday you are watching over your family and friends, bringing them comfort and strength. You are, and forever will be their Guardian Angel forever in everyone hearts and never forgotten.

Rest in Peace, you'll live forever in all of our hearts.

What the..?

2008-06-15T15:35:00.000-07:00

ha last time I posted on a blog I sounded like a complete idiot...so why do I subject myself to such scrutiny? Because I love writing about the most useless things ever...come on who doesn't?!

I've just realized how much of a bookworm I am. I've read almost 4 books in the past week and that doesn't even begin counting how many times I've re-read them...okay twice. But I haven't been able to find good books for a while, some authors have really great books and then they just stop interesting me while others have a series and then when the series ends...what else can I read? not to mention when the series is still going and you have to wait another year for that book to come out...but I've learned to be patient...Harry Potter was my patient tester for almost 4 years...

eh I'll write more later, I just wanted to put something on this blank page.